Apology letter to my first born

Dear son,

Aside from the occasional “would you like to have a brother or a sister?” or “are you gonna be able to share your toys with a new baby?” Your vote wasn’t really taken into consideration when I decided to have another baby.

And you didn’t realize that a new baby meant not only sharing your toys but also mommy’s lap.

So I am sorry.

More sorry than a letter could ever say. I love our life together as a whole family but I still remember what it was like to just be us. Me and the child who made me a mother.

I am sorry that you have to wait now for extra hugs and kisses because sometimes the baby takes a little longer to finish his bottle.

I am sorry that our weekends together now revolve around what the baby can or can’t do. I hate having to tell you no to activities we have always enjoyed before.

I am sorry that I have to redirect you or at times punish you when you act out because I know you are being bad to get my attention.

I am sorry the baby takes a lot of my focus. I promise he won’t always need me as much as he does right now.

I am sorry I hover over you when you are wanting to play and connect with your brother. I just want to make sure you know how fragile he is.

I am sorry that it doesn’t make sense to you that the baby gets praised for something as simple as getting a new tooth and you learning to write your name gets overshadowed.

I am sorry that I can be more snappy than usual with you (and everyone else). The baby doesn’t understand sleep schedules yet and mommy is just so tired.

I am sorry that our loud tickle fights and playing airplane now has to happen before 7pm so we don’t wake your brother. Just know that I love hearing your laugh.

But.

Your brother lights up everytime you walk into the room. There is no one more funny, interesting, or cool as you. He is going to learn how to walk, talk, and sneak snacks from the pantry all from you. He will always be your biggest fan and one day when mommy isn’t around anymore he will be your family.

I know you can’t see it now but you are the most loved member of the family. I love both of y’all equally but your brother loves you with such a pure love that trumps anything else you can imagine.

So, be easy on me and use a little bit of the patience that I know you didn’t inherit from me. And know more than anything that I see you.

My lap will always be big enough for both of you.

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8 thoughts on “Apology letter to my first born

  1. I have no words. My eyes are filled with tears!! This is a difficult phase that won t last for long. So, stay strong Mama. He has more patience than you give him credit for. He is also watching you with little brother. He is seeing all of the love you ha w for him, shine down on the little one. He also sees that your lap is big enough for both of them, he just can’t figure out how to scoot over. Being a Mama is the biggest privilege in the world…mastering it has never happened. So…believe in yourself. Take time for you!!! And love those boys with every ounce of your soul and they will grow to appreciate you!! You’re doing great and I’m proud of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I sometimes think giving the first child a sibling is harder on mom than the child, or so it seems to appear with my family. My son adjusted remarkably well with no complaints and tries his hardest to help take care of his sister. He also asked for another sibling last week (I don’t think so, kid). But it is incredibly hard to let go of the first being an only child, though I’m the only one who shed tears.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You kidding me? You’re as perfect as a mother can be, obviously nobody is perfect but in my opinion is a tough job to say the least. My mother would just give me a smack and out we go, old school love as you might also know.
    By the way appreciate you passing through my crazy blog.

    Liked by 1 person

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